I want to publicly apologize to all the parents out there with kids who will only eat three or four types of food. I confess I have judged you, and I was wrong to do it. I have wondered why you don’t have more concern for your child’s health. I have wondered why you didn’t just put out more effort to make them try new foods.
My first daughter went through a “picky” stage where she didn’t want to try new foods, and gave us a hard time about dinner. But, ultimately, she would try the bite or eat the part of dinner she didn’t like. My second daughter never really went through a picky stage. She is our most adventurous eater and loves to try new foods – especially foods from other cultures and countries.
My third daughter is the one I have to thank for humbling me. She is the one who is not only picky, but also frequently refuses to eat food that she doesn’t like. We have been doing the dinner battle with her for at least two years. And things are not getting better – they seem to be getting worse. She is at the point where she has maybe 10 things she likes to eat, and will eat without complaining.
We tried everything we could think of. Then, we went to the internet and researched some other ideas, and tried those. We tried:
- Putting food on her plate and saying nothing – letting her eat what she wants and then walk away
- Begging and pleading
- Requiring a certain number of bites
- Getting so frustrated that we end up shouting (Not a proud moment, but I’m trying to be honest here!)
- Time out if she doesn’t eat her food
- Loss of dessert (To which we often hear: “It’s okay – I like to watch my sisters eat dessert.”)
- Making a set weekly menu of the same boring meals
And most recently, we tried making her a separate meal of food she does like. The problem with this method is that the list of foods she does like seems to be shrinking, and I don’t want to feed her pizza every night.
The truth is, she likes flavor! She likes to eat basil fresh of the plant…by the handful! She likes the homemade salsa we make with jalapeños, and onion, and cilantro. She loves most types of fruit. She likes almost every cheese she’s ever tried – including the cheeses with stronger flavors like feta. She likes pepperoni and salami sandwiches. She loves to try new desserts!
She used to like scrambled eggs. In fact, we eat breakfast for dinner once a week so she ate them on a regular basis. I usually make them with American or cheddar cheese melted in, but one week I only had shredded mozzarella in the house so I used that instead. When she got her plate she said the eggs looked different…”too stringy”… and she didn’t like them. Since that day, she has refused to try a bite of eggs (even though I have made them with American or cheddar every time since).
She loves everything bagels toasted with cream cheese. One day I was out of cream cheese so she said she would try a bagel toasted with butter instead. Because she was sick and eating on the couch, I cut the bagel into three pieces. She refused to try it because it was cut into three pieces!
We had two nights recently where she refused to eat dinner, and then woke up in the morning feeling sick and shaky. I’m not okay with that! So, I have started making her a “snack” before bed on the nights she doesn’t eat dinner (usually a bowl of oatmeal or a piece of bread with peanut butter or some fruit and yogurt).
Here is my conclusion: I think this is much more of a control issue than an actual fear of trying new foods. I think dinner has become something we all brace for, and dread. I don’t want every dinner to be a battle. I don’t want her to have issues with food and eating later in life. I also don’t want to just feed her pizza and hot dogs every night – especially because I know she likes food with flavor!
I’m not trying to “win” the dinner battle. I just want my daughter to be healthy. I want my family to be able to sit at the dinner table and eat and visit, and have a peaceful time.
Do you have any suggestions for how to get her to try new foods? Do you have any suggestions on how to handle meal times with a strong willed child? Any books you would recommend?